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Imago UK Relationship Therapy

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When Marriage Counselling Doesn’t Work

When Marriage Counselling Doesn’t Work

By Ian Tomlinson 

If you are thinking of coming to marriage counselling, it would be normal for you to wonder when marriage counselling doesn’t work. The answer is pretty simple.

Marriage counselling doesn’t work when one or both of the partner’s involved are not fully committed to the process.

Let me expand a bit on this.

The Stages of Relationships

In Imago Relationship Therapy we see relationships in stages. The first stage of the relationship is where you and your partner first meet, fall in love and everything feels amazing – remember that phase? Fabulous wasn’t it!! No surprise then to find out we call this phase the “Romantic Phase”.

The Romantic Phase

In the Romantic Phase of the relationship, you are head over heels in love, but mostly as a result of the hormones released by your body and the experience of being your best self. You are willing to go out of your way for your partner and they are likely to be doing the same for you. Alas this cannot last!

The Power Struggle Phase

After 12 – 18 months the Power Struggle phase comes along. The hormones are wearing off and rather than asking what you can do for your partner you are wondering why they are not working harder to keep you happy. Couples struggle on in this phase, sometimes for years. This is when you are likely to seek couples therapy.

Relationship Counselling with An Imago Therapist

Relationship counselling with an Imago Relationship Therapist will help you get your head around what’s going on in your relationship and help you appreciate that this is normal! It’s normal to struggle in relationship and it’s where growth for you and your partner is trying to happen.

An Imago Relationship Therapist will help you both talk about what’s going on for you in the relationship using The Imago Dialogue process, a structured way of bringing safety into the relationship whilst you explore what you both need.

The Recommitment Phase

What’s needed then for the couples counselling to be successful is for you to show up and be willing to stretch into this process. We call this the “Recommitment Phase” of the relationship. It’s where you both decide to do the work and say to each other “I’m in!”

Marriage counselling doesn’t work if one partner blames the other for the problems and doesn’t own their part in the struggle. An Imago Relationship Therapist will encourage you and your partner to celebrate the good things in your relationship and give each other appreciations. If you are not willing to do this and can only see the bad in your partner it’s likely that your relationship counselling will not work.

Couples Counselling Can Work

So, are you up for it? Are you willing to stretch and own your part in the challenges your relationship is facing? Getting stuck in your relationship is normal, marriage counselling doesn’t work if you won’t show up and do the work alongside your partner, but if you are up for the challenge then a good Imago Relationship Therapist can help you transform your relationship into a close, connected safe experience full of joy. Click here to find an Imago Therapist near you to help.

By Ian Tomlinson 

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