When Jealousy and Insecurity Appears in a Relationship
By Nicki Mason
Jealousy in a relationship is insidious and damaging leading to feelings of insecurity, blame, doubt and general misgivings that can lead to misery and in many cases, break up and divorce. It can be suspicious or reactive where one or both parties feel insecure in the relationship. This can include imagining and feeling that their partner is being less than devoted to them and their wellbeing, giving others more attention and feeling that their partner no longer thinks of them as important or wants to meet their needs.
Actions and perceived jealousy can be read and interpreted as a threat to them and the relationship. These feelings of insecurity leave the relationship feeling unsafe for both parties and this can lead to arguments and unhealthy behaviours which can undermine and slowly erode trust and love for one another.
Unchecked and unexplored these feelings can cause long term damage especially when there are feelings of mistrust with many feeling that bringing up their feelings of jealousy will reflect badly on themselves, may seem paranoid and will harm the relationship further.
Feelings of jealousy and insecurity may also bring feelings of self-doubt and can also feed into feelings of low self-worth and low self-esteem. All connected to the thoughts and beliefs that we have about ourselves that may have been formed in early life.
Things happen in relationship that trigger the feelings that were felt in childhood. Perhaps in a case of jealousy, a new baby born to a couple triggers feelings felt when a new sibling appeared in their own childhood and the similar feelings of jealousy and insecurity arise when the partner lavishes love and attention on the new baby and they feel left out or ignored. This in turn causes resentment, arguments and mistrust which are either misunderstood, misinterpreted or leaves the jealous party with the inability to explain their feelings as they have already made everything feel too unsafe with their negative behaviours and they feel childish.
Working with an Imago therapist can help a couple to understand the jealous behaviours, what triggers them and most importantly where they have come from. Relationship counselling can have many benefits both before and after marriage.
Imago gives the couple the tools to create a safe space to discuss what is going on for each of them, understand each other’s perspectives as well as their own issues from the past that are showing up as jealousy and insecurity. This is communication at a deep level that allows growth, healing and a rekindling of connection which enables them to heal and grow to a place that has mutual understanding and mature love. A strong, safe relationship can then continue to develop. A relationship that has no room for insecurity and jealousy only mutual understanding, growth and love.
If you would like to know more and how this might help you then please contact one of our Imago Therapists who would be happy to speak with you.
By Nicki Mason